I like to think I know a bit about football shirts. I write for DesignFootball.com, I keep abreast of football shirt news on FootballShirtCulture.com and even a good 20% of my working life so far has revolved around football shirts. The genius Azmie from SwitchImageProject even recently told me he was a fan of this blog. The highest of praise.
I also managed to set up a football team in London. Unfortunately, weeks after we played our first game I moved to Manchester so the team – Marceltipool – has since been on hiatus save for incessant tweeting about Olympique de Marseille, Celtic Football Club, Liverpool Football Club, football design and anything that gets my goat – not necessarily in that order.
If I’m honest, a big factor in wanting to set up a football team was the desire to get back to wearing football kit again, ideally one I’ve designed myself or at least ok-ed the final design. The taking part is great but only with a great big M, a four-leaved clover and a liver bird (even metaphorically) on my chest. I can play for a pub, but boy must I love the staff, clientele, politics and ethics of that pub. Tricky. So I set up my own club, with ethics tied to those of the professional clubs I follow and with a view to elements of football kit design and my favourite OM, Celtic & Liverpool kits appearing on our playing wear.
Turns out, I’m an amateur.
Along came Portman Kunis United FC. Brought to my attention by a rival site to DF (which, I hate to say, is really quite brilliant) they play in Division 11 (E-L-E-V-E-N) of an indoor league at Inwood Soccer Center in Addison, Dallas, Texas (and people say no-one plays football in America!) and have suddenly taken the internet by storm, basically by virtue of a clever name and the even cleverer – and stylishly created – symbolism on their kit.
To get this out of the way, their name is essentially a fratboy-style joke referencing a “love” scene in the film Black Swan, acted out by the two stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Without going into too much detail – this is a family website after all – “Unite” they did, somewhat comprehensively. So PKUFC have emerged as a tribute to the beauty of the two actresses and, probably, the beauty of lesbian sex. I would suggest that as a combination of sporting endeavour and sapphism, Portman Kunis United are the tame yin to Ultimate Surrender’s monstrous yang (Google it AT YOUR OWN RISK).
So far, so juvenile. But this is about the kit. It’s incredible. Aesthetics to rival those which God bestowed on Ms Portman and Kunis and far more pleasing on the eye than the trauma of sitting through the awkward squirm-fest that is Black Swan. The basic template may be an adidas Predator training shirt but that acts as a mere canvas for a designer – we assume a certain Mike Miller – to let his skilfully controlled imagination create a masterpiece.
It’s here for you to see and, naturally, purchase. My dream was to retail a Marceltipool shirt that could be carried at Le Stade Velodrome, Celtic Park and Anfield, as a display of unity with other clubs similar to the antifa Alerta network. PKU have got there emphatically first. That said, and bitterness aside, a personalised shirt for fifty-five “bucks” I think is great value. I suggest you This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. first to check postage charges for wherever you are but it’s surely worth the price for the understated and classic crest (far better than anything on show in the MLS), the *nudge-nudge, wink-wink* scissor detail on the back of the collar, the wonderfully befitting and presumably independent sponsor and a name and number style, complete with swan detail, that Sporting ID would be proud of.
Therefore, Portman Kunis United, it’s 1-0 to you. In fact, a quick Google gives us 1900 “Marceltipool” results to 1.5million results for “Portman Kunis United”. So a ratio of 1:789. That doesn’t really equate to 1-0 does it? But we’re still here, have our second game in a month’s time, and our support rises every time someone designs a new Mc’ool kit. So that just leaves us with one question: Fancy a game?
